Kingdom of music

Come close, so close that I
can breathe you breath
Your skin, like milk, like silk
Come ease your head

I watch each movement of
your mouth, I'm tense
Mesmerised by your hands
Hold, touch, kiss, lick

I want to roam the kingdom that is your body
Explore, adore
Your kisses like hammers that bruise my soul
I'm weak for you
So weak for you
I float above the kingdom
Your fingers pull me back to
you.

Every second that you blink
I miss the flicker of your eye

Every cell of you is music
And I will learn to play
I think I could play your muscles
Your nerves could be my strings

And when I learn to play you well
In glorious melody I'll dwell

Sledge hammer

I haven't been careful enough. That must be it.
I wasn't watching. I thought I was...
I thought I would never be dragged into this room again.
A room I built myself.
A small, round brick room in the middle of nowhere.
I didn't even realize I was building it again.

Why is it that when I don't feel safe I build this wall?
Because I know it won't keep everything out forever,
Mostly it keeps me inside.
That is not what I want!
And my feelings, my thoughts,
They bounce off the walls and come screaming back into my body, my head.
I try. I try to get them out, but there's nowhere they can go.

I scream from the top of my lungs.
I scream for help. I want people to come with
sledgehammers
and
beat
this
wall down.
And they come.
My friends, my loves, my family.
Outside the walls, trying to help.
I feel the hammers beating.

The wall keeps standing.
Some bricks crumble.
But I'll have to do this myself again.
Brick by fucking brick.
I don't want to.
It hurts.

I lie in the corner
With my head under a blanket
And music pumping in my ears.
The wall is unattended.
And it grows and grows.

I can't believe I didn't see this coming.
I thought I could do this.
I feel so alone.
So disconnected.
I want a sledge hammer.

2010...

Holy shit, it's been a while since I wrote anything down.

Which is too bad, actually. Reading my own stories about Ireland makes me realize how few I actually remember!! And especially now that I have such a busy, busy life I should really step out from time to time and write down what's on my mind. Just so that I can read about it later and remember.

I can barely grasp how long it's been since I was in Ireland. Since then, I started my new studies, English Language and Culture, and, exept for Old English, finished all my classes in the first year without resits and pretty good grades.

In the summer I've been to Greece for the first time, which was kind of scary, bacause I hate extreme heat. But I was assured that it would not be that bad that season. They were wrong. But, heat aside, it was a beautiful holiday.

In the secon year, I had to choose my minor. I really had no idea and finally picked European medieval history. I think I should have picked Film & Theatre studies.

It's just so much work, I don't think I can do it...

Anyway, what else happened? I bought a house, I have two cats and I'm still together with Niki. It's already been 4,5 years. Wow. It's such a long time, especially when I see that most of my friends don't have realationships that last that long. Well, I can only hope they'll find their equivalent of Niki ;)

And these are only the main happenings, of course, so much more happened!

My girlfriend started her new studies and is rocking it,

I'm completely off medication and therapy,

My parents moved to northern Holland,

My older brother has a new job, and so do both of my parents,

My younger brother graduated from high school and has his own place,

Two of my friends got married in a train,

One of my best friend went to Nepal for 4 months,

My friends started a band that's going really well,

I had my tattoo extended,

I have finally seen Ani Difranco live (and regina Spektor, and Tori Amos again),

I went to M'era Luna again and to Sziget festival (and more festivals),

I've seen Tori Amos, Heater Nova, Regina Spektor, Juliette and the Licks, Peaches, Ladytron, (and many, many more artists) again or for the first time,

I met many great new people and made new friends,

And soooo much more happened!

And that's why I should start writing more, just to remember all the great details.

Happy 2010!!

quicky..

Sorry for not posting for a while, but since I had no money to pay for an internetcafe, this is my first opportunity, really...
I didn't do that much lately, going to school, coming back, have dinner with my housemates, watch a movie, stuff like that.

I'm @Jeroens place now, and we're heading off to temple bar soon if I'm not mistaken.
Butttttt, I have some pictures for you, here they come:


My last night in Cork with April and Ann:





My housemates:
me, Sandra, Geraldine and Nacho


Anna, Sandra, Carmen

Nacho:



Geraldine, Carmen and some drunk guy...



Jameson distillery:



Before the tasting; 5 glasses of whiskey


And after the tasting ^^


Dinner with Hanna


A very curious object in the museum at the Boyne Valley...


Claire, our tourguide:


Boyne Valley:





My new teacher, Sean:


Some pictures Marta send me of our night out in Cork:



Well, we're gonna run now, see or we can still get in to the Mezz!!!

the influence of friday the 13th...

Friday the 13th wasn't actually that bad, nothing happened, everything was quite relaxed.
SATURDAY kinda sucked though...
I got up early to go to school, since we had to meet there for the trip to the Boyne Valley.
AFter waiting an entiire hour, our tourguide told my that there were 7 people over the maximum available seats in the bus, meaning 7 people had to cancel. Well, it took a long time before that was arranged. Our tourguide, Claire, was actually crying...
Finally on the bus I noticed that after half an hour we suddenly turned around, back into the direction of Dublin. I waited for a while and I walked up to Claire to ask what was wrong. Well, we were late for our tour, so it was cancelled, and they were hoping we could get another tour.
When we arrived at the visitorcentre, they told us that we couldn't get a tour. Suckers.
So we just walked around a bit, but we didn't see the hill of tara and newgrange. I was so close to crying...
The bus toured us around a bit more, but we didn't go anywhere very interesting, so I was pretty das when I got home.
I was supposed to meet Jeroen later, so we would have dinner, but while packing my back, I realised my wallet was gone. My wallet with my cash, my cards and my driverslicence, that is...
I was completely devistated.
Well, I ended up cancelling my cards, because the buscompany told me they didn't find it, and the school rang the pub we had visited, and they didn't find it either.
Tom, the director of the school is such a lovely man, though. He's been doing everything he can. I'm sure that if I would have asked him, he would have come over to my house to lend me some cash.
But that wasn't nessecary, Jeoren came over and we did have dinner in this lovely place. It was reaaaally delicious. Afterwards we wanted to go for a drink, but everything was so crowded, we couldn't get in.
So we just went home.
Sunday I've been in bed most of the day, under my blanket. And the few hours I wasn't in bed, I spent on the sofa watching tv. I just needed to feel miserable for a while.

This morning Tom offered me to transfer money to the school's bankaccount, so they can give it to me in cash. So the money-problem is solved. I have to go to the Garda now to report it.

So...fun, fun, fun...But i'll get over it.
We have a new teacher, he's nice, he promissed me to teach us about the Celts. And he's teaching us a bit of Gaelic, so that's really cool :)
I wanted to post some pictures, but I forgot my cable, so they're still to come....

4th day in Dublin

I'm SO proud of myself! I restained myseld and I DIDN'T go to temple bar!! Ok, last night I went out there, but I didn't go shopping. Good stuff!

First of all, my housemates are SO nice! I can't upload pictures on this computer, so I'll do that later. In my apartment are six occupied rooms. one by me (no, really?), one Swiss girl(Geraldine), a Spanish girl(Sandra), a Spanish guy (Nacho(yeah, that's his real name, poor chap)), a Swedish woman(Hanna) and an Italian girl(The Italian Girl(nobody knows her name:S)). We have so much fun, and every evening we have dinner together. Exept from The Italian Girl, she's always gone. Last night Sandra and Nacho made an 'omelette Espagnol' it was really nice! Tonight it's my turn to cook.

My class is very, very interesting, my teacher tells us a lot about the history and culture of Ireland, the origin of the language and about Ireland in general. Good stuff!

This afternoon I've been to the Jameson distillery, and I applied for a tasting. And they picked me, yay! I mean, how cool is this, they give you 5 glasses of whiskey for the tasting. Ad after the tasting you're rewarded with...a glass of whikey and a certificate! :D And I bought a t-shirt.

Next saturday I'm gonna take the Boyne Valley tour, my God, I can't believe I'm going to see Newgrange and The Hill of Tara!!! I'm so exited!

But I should get going now, maybe I can post my pictures tomorrow. ..

DUBLIN!!


God,somebody get me out of here!!!
Send me back to Cork,or where ever!! I reaaaaally shouldn't be here!!! It's an evil place!
I just visited Temple Bar, a little area in the centre. It's WAY too cool!! I can't stay here, I'm so tempted to spend all my money in these AMAZING shops!!! Poor Niki, she's gonna get SO many presents when I come back!
ALLLL the shops in temple bar are unreal! I mean, I know nice shops in Holland, but I've never seen an entire area with JUST exclusive, rock, punk, indie clothing, music and other stuff. Plus the pubs and clubs are so cool...
I feel like I'm @ m'era luna again...I never wanna go back.

Ok, sorry, I just had to share this. Back to my adventures :p
Yesterday when I finally got on the bus, I thought I was gonna be bored, but I've just been looking out of the window. In awe. I'm so completely in love with this country! Even though it was raining all the time.

KT Tunstall-Under the Weather

(click on link in the right upper corner to listen)

Under this national rain cloud
I'm getting soaked to the skin
Trying to find my umbrella
But I don't know where to begin

And it's simply irrational weather
Can't even hear myself think
Constantly bailing out water
But still like I'm gonna sink

Coz I'm under the weather
Just like the world
So sorry for being so bold
When I turn out the light
You're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home

When I finially arrived in the city centre, it took my and the taxidriver like half an hour to find the appartment. And when I finally DID, there was no one there. So I think it was around 10PM when I finally entered my room. It's a bit smaller than the previous one, and I have to share the bathroom, but my housemates are really, very nice. I'm staying at a residential accommodation in Dublin city centre.

There's 68 rooms, so it's really easy to meet some new people. Most of them are Spanish. Tomorrow's my first day, I'm looking forward!!!